


Torch Song Laments

by OurDeal



Category: National Football League RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Basically every pats player from the 2017 season before trade or free agency, Kind of a slow burn, Light Swearing, M/M, No actual kids from IRL, OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-05 21:45:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14627655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurDeal/pseuds/OurDeal
Summary: Danny and Julian are living the somewhat 'single dad' life (well, Julian ends up getting custody of his daughter from her mother, and Danny has joint custody of his son with the mother). When they both receive separate phone calls from the unexpected, their lives change drastically overnight.AN ACTUAL WORK OF FICTION! NO FOOTBALLS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS STORY.*Will probably post every weekend until I decide to end it*





	1. Wondering If You’re Mine

**Author's Note:**

> I swear on my life I did my best (I actually researched before I even started writing this story)! Chapter title comes from 'Rosita' by Lee Morse.

Danny's POV:

            The game was a tough one, but they won by a narrow margin. The Steelers know how to put up a fight, but in the end, they just ended up being the better, more coordinated team. Slumping down onto the bench, a sigh leaving his body, and the weight of the game finally catching up to him. A hand rests on his shoulder, and without even looking, he knows who it is—Julian, his roommate.

“Hey bubs, we have half an hour before the bus leaves. I would hurry if I were you.” Noticing that he is the only one left in his pads, while everyone else is in their street clothes, packing up the last of their gear. Nodding more to himself, his feet holding the weight of his body as he strides to the showers. Taking off each piece of gear one by one, the day’s events begin to hit him like small rocks against a window.

            The spray of the warm water relaxes his muscles while making quick on the shower. His brain is still trying to catch up to everything. His feet becoming the rocks that are holding him on the crust of the earth.

            “DOLA! LET’S GO! YOU HAVE 5 MINUTES TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!” Hearing Rob’s voice echo through what is an empty locker room, and for the first time, he realizes that Julian didn’t come and get him. He just let him be distracted by his own thoughts.

            Ending the relaxing shower all too soon, his body on autopilot as he dresses and gathers his gear. Wanting to sleep, but knowing that the bus will be rowdy, he tries to stay as calm as possible. While his shoes squeak through the empty hallway, Rob is waiting for him at the end. Rob is looking at him with a sort of look—the kind of look that says, ‘ _hurry your ass up or we will both miss the damn bus’._ Usually, Danny is never the last one…quite the opposite. He is usually the first one on the bus, headphones on and eyes on the screen of his phone. The door clicking open, a gust of cold wind hitting him square in the jaw.

            “OH SHIT!” Danny's voice cracking, getting the first use since the game. His body was not prepared for that, or the coldness of Pittsburgh in December. Holding his jacket as close to his body as possible, while holding on to his duffle bag, his feet guide him to the entrance of the bus. The stairs leading on to the little runway between the rows of seats. Julian smiles at him while he makes way for him to get to the window seat. Knowing that it is his usual habit to lean his head against the cool glass, he gave up fighting him over that seat a long time ago.

            “Dola, what the hell is eating at you? You’ve been really in your head today…did something happen off the field?” Concern glazed in his eyes, and Danny doesn’t really have an answer to Julian's question. _I don’t think—I don’t know where my child has been. The last time I saw him was two weeks ago, during supervised visitation, because his mother ‘claims’ that I am an absentee father who is undeserving of sharing custody with her and tries to get out of parenting every chance I get. Which is not tr-_ a soft rapping of knuckles against glass drags him back to reality and he realizes that it’s Julian leaning over him, knocking on the window by his face.

            “Dola, where did you go? You got this weird, glazed over look in your eyes. I was just asking you if you heard from Ashley.” Unfortunately, being roommates, Julian knows about the whole Ashley situation.

            Ashley, how does he even begin to explain the wicked woman that Ashley is. She was the illusion that he thought a relationship should have been. She started off kind, and quiet. She had these brilliant green eyes, and she had a slight olive complexion. Her dark hair making her eyes stand out even more. She was everything that Danny thought he wanted…everything that he thought he would ever need. He thought that she had been the one—but one night, that blind devotion bit him right in the ass. The worst part is—Danny knew that she had a problem, but he was too dumb in love to realize how dangerous she became. When she told him that there would be a little one joining them, he thought that this would have turned her around for good. Danny had hope, for once, that she was ready to give up her reckless behavior and settle down. He was ready to marry her—and then, one day, she just left. Didn’t leave anything behind but some used drug paraphernalia and a note, saying that she never loved him and only used him for whatever money she could have gotten out of him.

            The night that Isaac was born was one of the toughest nights of Danny's life. Receiving a call from the hospital in the dead of the night, only to be told that they had Ashley, and she had gone into labor. His brain woke up at that moment, rushing him through the motions of getting dressed and driving to the hospital. Entering that hospital, he could hear her screaming from where he stood, and it hit him that I was not prepared to do this, but he would try his best…but his best would never be enough, according to Ashley. She took him to court, and all though he had the more stable job, the judge awarded joint custody, only because they saw Ashley as more of the stable parent. Although, that would be a lie.

            “We’re here. Get out of your head for a minute.” Julian shakes his shoulder as he hands him his duffle bag from the upper compartment. The bus slowly empties, and the cold air hits him again, as they make their way across the tarmac and onto the plane that will carry them back to Massachusetts. His head is throbbing and the exhaustion catches up to him. His body is ready for his own bed, and for the quietness of his room. The thoughts end up putting him to sleep. There are no dreams, only darkness.

            “DOLA! BABE!” He hears a familiar but unexpected shout as he jolts awake. His eyes narrowing focusing in on Tom, looking at him like some sort of dumb ass for falling asleep on the plane.

            “Danny, we’ve been trying to wake you for the last 10 minutes.” A bag is dropped in his lap as Tom makes his way down the runway and out of the plane. Looking up, he notices that Julian is looking down at him and smirking.

            “Don’t say anything.” Feeling pissed from being woken, he makes his way out of the plane and down to the SUV that Julian drove, and he carpooled in, Julian following right behind him. The car unlocks and he slides into the passenger’s seat, not even bothering to put his duffle bag in the trunk, and instead settle it down by his feet.

            “Danny, are you sure you’re ok? You’ve been really quiet.” Julian’s concern oozes out of his voice as he leaves the parking lot of the stadium. _I honestly don’t know any more…I don’t even know how to tell you what happened this morning before we left._ Mulling it over, Danny feels that it is best that Julian knows, even if everything is about to change.

            “It’s been a tough day…I-I got an unexpected phone call this morning. It was from Child Welfare. They had to tell him that I had 48 hours to come down to their office and fill out the paperwork to gain full custody of Isaac. Ashley died last night…of an overdose. Julian, I don’t know what I am doing, but I know that I am taking Isaac and I will figure it out as I go.” Looking down at his phone again, he replays that conversation in his head, and thinks about how she ended up the way that she did, while at the same time abandoning Isaac. Knowing who she was and who she became, it is still hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that she maintained joint custody with him, even though he had tried everything in the first place to prove that he could have been the better parent. _Oh well, second chances don’t come that often, so take it while I still can._


	2. We'll Travel Along, Singing A Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julain becomes a single parent after a one night stand. The chapter title comes from the song: 'Side by Side' by Lee Morse.

 Julian's POV:

            Taking in everything that Danny just spilled to him, he has no idea how to bring up that he has been put in a similar situation as him. Receiving that call was something strange because Julian hadn’t talked to her in months. He saw her once, they had sex with the understanding that it was nothing more than that, and went their separate ways. She calls him this morning, and he cannot believe what she is telling him.

 _“Julian, it’ s Emilia. I don’t know how to tell you this but, I just had your baby and you have two options: either I sign full custody to you because everyone knows that I just don’t cut it as a mother or I give this child up for adoption. I really need your answer by tonight. And yes, you’re probably wondering how to know if it is your child…well, you’re kind of the only person who I was seeing at the time, but if you really want proof, then you can do a paternity test. That’s fine with me. I just wanted to let you know what is going on.”_ The line goes dead, and he is just sitting there, stunned at what she just told him. Julian has processed this all day, even at practice, but he was able to push his feelings down deep, to focus on the tasks at hand.

            “Danny, I know how you feel…you remember that Emilia girl?” Glancing at him over quickly, while they are stopped at a red light, Julian's thoughts are catching up to him. Everything that he has pushed down since this morning is trying to bubble up under the surface of his skin and while he is fighting to keep it together, he can feel his own resolve crack and decay under the pressure. His head nods in understanding because he knows and he remembers all of the hardships that girl put him through, even though they weren’t an item.

            “Yeah man, I thought she kind of just disappeared. She left nothing behind, and she kind of just became a ghost.” The street light turns green, and as Julian presses down on the gas pedal, the car goes faster down the road.

            “Well, she called me this morning, and she told me that she had my kid. Now, I think that she might be lying, so I have to go to the hospital and do a paternity test right there. Hopefully, the will let me know what the results are. Just know that if this kid is mine, everything is going to get more difficult.” Thinking of what life is about to turn into, he is terrified of the prospect of being a single parent, and even more at the fact that now, he has to scramble to find a new apartment, because two rooms are not going to cut it.

            “Wow…so what are you going to do if the kid turns out to be yours?” Making a turn onto the parking lot of the apartment complex, his brain trying to catch up with answers, and yet he knows that he has to move out, and he is left with a dilemma.

            “You know that I have to move out, and it sucks because I freaking don’t want to, but I have to. Fortunately, there is an apartment next door to ours that just opened up. I made some calls during our lunch break today, and I was able to secure it. The landlord isn’t going to penalize me for breaking the lease because I am moving into another apartment that she manages. This means though, that I had to have some of the rookies who had off today go and move his things from our shared apartment to the one next door.” For some reason, he feels his heart sink into his stomach as he tells Danny this. He never thought that he would have no choice but to move into his own apartment, and basically start his life as a single parent before he was even ready to. He can tell that Danny is hiding his disappointment by keeping his face neutral, but his eyes give it all away. _I know, I am disappointed too._

            “I think we’ll be fine…at least. I mean, if I need help you’ll be next door and vice versa, right?” Danny’s hopeful tone leaking into Julian's brain from his ears, and his heart jolts, but he also has to shove those feeling down and focus on who is entering his life unexpectedly. His mouth feels dry, and he is struggling to form words to even answer him honestly. He is terrified, not only for him but for him. He knows if he’s not ready to be a parent, he sure as hell isn’t either, but they cannot always try to deal back the cards that are drawn, and rather than flip the table and leave, they are left to handle the situation the best they can. He hands him the new key to his apartment, considering that he is keeping the old key from the apartment that just became his. His eyes question the item, and he mulls it over before realizing that it is the key to his new apartment.

            “Just because I had to move out, doesn’t mean that I don’t want to hang out. We might be single fathers now, but that shouldn’t stop us from hanging out. Who knows, we might find girls who like us despite the fact that we are single fathers.” Julian smiles at Danny, while his heart drums in his ears. Danny's eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles back, and Julian realizes that for the first time, he is truly doing this alone. No more late nights playing video games, or trying to get girls to come back with them.

            A serene feeling takes over him as he opens the door to his new apartment for the first time. Although he had some furniture moved from storage, it still feels strange that he is alone again. Closing the door, he sits down on the couch that he hasn't seen in like 5 years or more. Ever since he became roommates with Danny, they kind of just decided to use the furniture Danny had, which prompted him to get a storage locker and put all of the things that he had from before being drafted into a storage unit and hope for the best. _At least the rookies did a good job of setting up for me._

            Thinking back on that stupid night that he met Emilia, he knew that somehow, someway, this would come back to haunt him. That night was something else…it was St. Patrick’s Day, and the bars were full. Her platinum blonde hair falling down her back, and her black nails combing through it. He remembers making his way to the bar before ordering an _Irish Car Bomb_ because, in the spirit of the day, Julian wanted to be as festive as he could. She looks at him, and her blue eyes stand out against her ivory skin. He could tell that she knows who he is, but won’t say anything so that she won’t cause a scene.

            “So, what are you doing here, in a bar like this? I thought you guys would go to more high-end places.” She smiles at him, and for a second, Julian thought he fell in love. Hitting on her was the chase that he had been looking for, but he knew that they would end up in bed at the end of the night. He just wanted the bait first, and he took it—hook, line, sinker. He had no chance, nor was he a match for her. She played the game way better than he did, but he hadn’t realized that at the time. He was just ready to have a good time with no commitment, and so was she, but she also knew how to make him melt in her hand.

            Before long they ended up in bed, and he barely remembers how we even got back to the apartment in the first place. It’s a strange thing to think about—one second he thinks that everyone is at his feet, worshiping the ground he walks on because he’s a world champion and the next…the world is crashing down around him and there is nothing that can be done about it.

            The worst part is that he knew what he was getting himself into, but yet, he went through with it. Now Julian pays for it. While he gets himself ready to face the person who he is becoming, his body on autopilot and numbness takes him over. He knew who he was doing this for, and to make sure that she wasn’t after me for something that he would never give her.

            Getting to the hospital, the DNA test is done quickly, and as he opts out of seeing Emilia, Julian does end up in the newborn wing, looking down at his daughter, who remains nameless. _Emilia didn’t even have the courage to give her a name._

            “Would you like to hold her Mr. Edelman?” The nurse wakes him from his daydreams, and all he could do is nod as they step into the room. She is the only one in that room, making him think that there are no other babies being born in this particular hospital on this day. The nurse instructs him to sit down in one of the chairs that they have in the room, before placing the baby— _my baby_ —in his arms. He didn’t even have to question if she was his, because he could just tell she was. His heart and soul screamed _mine!_ and for once, he didn’t question his own instincts. Julian knew that if he gave her up for adoption, that he would ruin himself and her. She deserves a parent who is willing to try when her other one gave up on her from the beginning.

            “Hello, Hannah Ava. The world may not be kind, and it may not be easy, but I am here to help you through it. Even though your mother gave up on you, I never will. From the moment, you were placed in my arms, I already knew you were mine.” Tears forming in his eyes as he looks down at the perfect princess—no queen, who will rule him.

            “Mr. Edelman? I’m Florence with the Child Welfare office. Ms. Hal has voluntarily given up parental rights to this child upon hearing you had arrived. She has signed all custody over to you. Now there will be a DNA test to prove that you are this child’s father, but until then, we can place her in your custody temporarily.” Nodding at her, a nurse comes into the room, holding two q-tips in her hand.

            He knew that she was going to take his DNA and Hannah’s, but he wasn’t ready for the fit that Hannah would throw as the q-tip was put in her mouth.

            “Oh sweetheart, I know, it’s going to be over soon.” Kissing her on the forehead, her cries calming down into quiet sniffles. _I never thought that this would be for me…but it feels like it was meant to be._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you like, just don't be rude about it.


	3. ....My Burdens, Woes, and Loves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny has a sort of 'come to Jesus' moment with a realization at the same time. The realization that this will be the rest of his life. Chapter title comes from the song: 'Trav'lin' All Alone' by Billie Holliday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter Y'all! I had a weirdly hard time trying to get this chapter to paper but here it is. Enjoy for anyone who is reading!

Danny's POV:  

           The weight of the world crushes him between the ceiling and the floor. His life is about to change in one day like it already did with Julian. Yesterday morning he was still kid-free, and then by the night, he’s carrying in boxes upon boxes of baby furniture. He gets the chance of getting to know his daughter, seeing all of her firsts, create that father-daughter bond. He wasn’t so lucky—mainly because the argument was that he was ‘away’ too much to even care for a child. He fought madly to have sole custody of Isaac in the first place, knowing the type of person Ashley was, and yet, the judge ruled against him. _If they would have just looked into Ashley’s past more. They would have seen that she had been orphaned by 17, and had no other family members around._ A sigh escapes his lips as he mentally prepares himself to face the situation that he has now been forcibly put in, because of one person’s choice.

            He often thinks about all of the things that Isaac would be doing if he weren’t around. What did he like to watch? Who were his favorite characters? What did he like, and what did he not. But what always replayed in his mind was just the one thought: _Is Ashley even taking care of him?_ He just always wanted to make sure that he was safe, even if it wasn’t with him. He has regrets about not fighting even harder over custody. He wishes he could have proven that he could have been the more stable parent, but at the time, he was just in his 4 th season with the Pats, and he wasn’t prepared.

            Looking at himself in the mirror as he finishes getting ready for what will surely be one of the wildest days of his life, he can’t believe that this is the path that his life will be on now. It’s not that he doesn't appreciate and love Isaac, it’s just that he wishes that he had more time to get to know him before all of this happened. _C’mon Daniel! Get it together! Your son needs you now more than ever. His world and everything he knows is being taken away from him. Think about him for once instead of yourself._ His feet end up dragging him to the front door, and somehow, his brain reminded his hand to pick the keys up on the way out.

            Making his way to the parking lot of the apartment complex, he realizes that he is hilariously unprepared to bring him home. _Home—that’s what I want him to feel when he gets here._ The only thing that he has that would help his case is his car seat, that he always had strapped in and ready to go just in case a situation like this should happen—and it finally has, but not in the way he thought it would go. Sitting in his car, his hands gripping the wheel tightly while his knuckles go a pale shade of white. _Deep breath. Relax. It’s going to be ok. You can make this work._ The car roaring to life as the key is turned, before he pulls the automatic gear into drive.

            The radio plays quietly in the background, but he hardly notices it over the pounding of his heart in his ears and the pain in his chest. His heart is completely shattered by what Isaac might have gone through while he wasn’t there to protect him and love him. Even though he’s part Ashley, he’s also part him, and he wishes every day that he would have pressed the issue more than he did. Hitting the ‘sweet spot’, in which all the traffic lights are green in a row, his car zooming right pass them. As the Child Welfare office building arises from the depths of Boston, the nerves come back with a vengeance. The building looms over his car for a brief moment, the traffic light on the corner is red. The dark shadow it casts sends a shiver up his spine, but then a calm feeling comes over. Although this building can be the most menacing thing, at the same time, it’s a life changer.

            _I will make this work. He will finally have the home that he always deserved._ Parking his car in the parking garage across the street, he sits in complete silence after pulling out the key from the ignition. It’s just him and his thoughts, and for once, he feels the confidence, fear, rage, and sadness attack him.

            “IT’S NOT FUCKING FAIR! WHY!” Screaming to himself while his hands hit the steering wheel, tears streaming down his face. He feels more for Isaac than he does for himself. He has all of this rage because of the situation that he was put in—one that was completely out of his control, and no matter how hard he fought to prove that he was the better parent, they all knew that children are less likely to be separated from the mothers unless there was something severely wrong.

            Thinking again about that day, and remembering all of the things that were said about him—bashing him, cursing him, and condemning him, and for what? Isaac doesn’t have a mother, and he barely knows him as his father. Ashley, who at the time had gotten herself clean— _by some miracle—_ was able to prove a track of sobriety, a stable job, stability at home, and safety for Isaac, things that he necessarily couldn’t prove. When she took the stand to testify, she would always point out how he would not be able to be there for Isaac and fulfill his emotional needs. _She wasn’t any better at it._ Just that alone had sealed the coffin on me. That is why the judge ruled in her favor and not in his.

            Somehow, Ashley was able to stay sober for all of the house visits that Child Welfare would conduct for the remainder of that year. Once she was able to get them off her tail, she went right back into the hole she had just dug herself out of. While he had joint custody of Isaac with her and visitation rights, he became too busy to see him, and she would use that as an excuse to hold him back from the visitations. But now, it’s all on him. He has someone who needs him and depends on him. He has become their whole world, while the one they have known is being ripped from them.

            Taking some deep breaths, he wipes his eyes, making sure that he doesn't look like he had been crying before he even left the parking garage. _Get it together Daniel! Your son needs you!_   And for the first time, he can accept the fact that Isaac is his son. Even though deep down in his soul he would always be his, he just could never verbalize it. As he takes one last look at himself in the rear-view mirror, he knew who he must become for his son.

            Going down the stairs of the parking garage, the cold wind hitting him in the face as he stands on the sidewalk, gazing at the building across the street. The street light turns red, and the crosswalk light turns from ‘don’t walk’ to ‘walk’, making that his cue to make his feet make the journey to cross the street, and to the rest of his life. His breaths coming out in little puffs of white as they hit the air outside. The door handle looks so non-descript, but to him, the door is the life changer. Gathering all of his courage, he pushes the door open, and end up in a little hallway with another door at the end. The glass window in the door showing the activity inside.

            Without thinking about it, his feet drag him to that door, before putting his hand on the doorknob, turning it, and pulling the door open. A lady at the front desk looks up from her paperwork and smiles.

            “Hello! This is the Child Welfare office; how may I help you?” His mouth feeling dry all of the sudden, and the fear tries to creep up his spine again.

“I got a call from your office yesterday morning? It’s about my son Isaac…” Not knowing what else to say, he doesn't even mention his last name for fear of recognition and for the safety of his own son.

“Oh, you’re here for Isaac Hunters, I am assuming?” Of course, she would give him her last name instead of his. _What a fucking surprise that is. At least my son was always protected in a weird and strange way._ Nodding his head, the receptionist smiles before picking up the phone on her desk and dialing a number. He still can’t believe that after everything that she put his son through, that she would still want to have some weird hold on him.

            “The director of our program will be coming out to greet you. So don’t-” A door opens from behind her desk as she was about to finish the sentence. The receptionist turns around and smiles before making herself leave the desk and go through the door that a woman just came out of. The new woman smiles at him and sticks out her hand, and his brain puts the rest of his body on autopilot as he shakes her hand back.

            “Hello, I’m Elsa Shields, and I am the director of this Child Welfare office. I want to discuss with you the case of your son Isaac Hunters, and why we have chosen to turn over custody to you...” His heart begins to drum in his ears and his nerves come alive. _Brace yourself, this will probably hurt…a lot._


	4. You've Caused Me To Leave My Happy Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian gets Hannah from the hospital after a 3 day wait. Chapter title comes from 'Careless Love' by Lee Morse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was just so much research going into this chapter and I kind of sturggled writing it as well! Enjoy.

Julian's POV:

            Scared shitless with what is about to happen, the nurses are giving him a kind smile. Signing the last of the paperwork, someone is tapping him on his shoulder. Turning around, another kind nurse is giving him a smile, and in her arms, is his daughter— his Hannah Ava. Fortunately, the DNA test came back this morning, proving the thing that he knew to be true—that Hannah is his. He doesn't think he would have been able to take it if she wasn’t, but something deep down in his heart told him she was his from the moment he held her. Here she was, so tiny and new and full of innocence and love, but that’s not enough for Emilia. Although, he will never question why Emilia didn’t opt for the other option, again, what is done is done.

            Looking down at the car seat in his hand, he still can’t believe that from one day to the next, his life has changed, and the way that he views the world changed with it. He no longer sees the world with roses, and instead, sees the world for what it really is—something amazing and something difficult at the same time. A place where one can feel too much and not enough at the same time. Lifting the car seat onto the check-in counter, he gives the paperwork to the receptionist, who nods at him. The nurse who is holding Hannah steps closer before smiling at him and settling Hannah in the seat.

            “Okay Mr. Edelman, I am guessing you know how to at least use the buckles to secure her to the seat. I would like for you to demonstrate before we go any further.” The nurse is smiling as his fingers make quick work of buckling in Hannah. The eyes that he gets the pleasure to look into for the rest of my life are looking up at him with wonder. The nurse taps him again on the shoulder, and he looks at her, feeling kind of upset that he had to look away from my daughter.

            “Okay, so since you have that down, take me to your car so I can show you how to buckle in the seat.” Nodding at her, he drapes a blanket over the seat so to keep Hannah warm but at the same time, shield her from the cold. While the automatic door slides open, a gentle snow drift is falling, but there is no cold breeze to follow. Unlocking the car while walking, a slight shiver crawls down his spine. _This is it…this is when your life begins._ Smiling to himself, he unlocks the back door of my car from the driver’s side.

            “So how you’re going to put in the seat is pretty simple. You’re going to put in the base for the seat to sit in first. Before you even buckle that part in, you need to make sure that you are at least 30 degrees slanted and at most 45 degrees slanted.” Nodding to her, he adjusts the base for it to stop at 35 degrees. _Man, this is going to be harder than I thought—and its only day one._

“I know this whole thing can be overwhelming at first, but trust me, once you get the hang of it, you will do this so quickly, it becomes muscle memory. Now what you’re going to do, to lock in the base to the seat, you’re going to take one of the seatbelts and run it through the path and then buckle it in.” Looking at the guide stickers on the base, he runs the belt through the path as indicated. He tries to calm himself down because even though this is overwhelming and he is new to this whole ‘single father’ deal, he still has to do this.

            “Very good! Now what you’re going to do is push down on the base and pull until the shoulder piece of the belt feels tight. Once you feel that, you can take the seatbelt and pull it through the automatic lock part. After that, you’re going to make sure it’s tight so that the base won’t slide when you are driving.” Hearing the encouraging tone of the nurses’ voice, the shaking in his hands begins to slowly calm down. He becomes driven to get this right on the first try because he wants to do right by Hannah from the beginning. He makes sure that the belt is tight enough before he puts it in the automatic lock part of the base. He moves the base around, and it barely budges, which he takes as a good sign.

            “Ok, so now that you did that, there are two base anchors that you are going to attach to the seat itself. You see those little plastic circles? That is where you’re going to take the anchors and attach them. Once you do that, you can pull the strap in the middle to make sure that it is tight enough.” Taking to what he assumes are the anchors, he finds the little plastic circles she is talking about. Shoving each anchor in its place between the cushions of the backrest and seat, he hears a ‘click’, letting him know that he locked them in place. He pulls the strap in the middle and tries to move the base around, but it is even tighter attached to the seat.

            “So, this is the fun part! We’re going to just place the car seat on top of the base. Make sure that the seat faces the rear-view window. It’s going to click in and you should be good to go! I checked the straps on Hannah after you buckled her into the car seat, and they are comfortably tight.” The moment of truth finally hits him. After this final act of placing the car seat onto the base, he is going home with a new baby, a baby that until 3 days ago, had no idea that he existed and vice versa. Taking the seat and placing it on the base, the ‘click’ sound emanating from the silence. He releases a breath that he didn’t even realize that he had been holding in.

            “Congrats! Well, I wish you luck with everything!” The nurse waves at him before walking away and back to the hospital entrance. The blanket begins to slip off the seat, so he just takes it off. Blue eyes are staring at him as he looks down after removing the blanket.

            “Well kid, I guess you’re stuck with me.” Smiling more to himself, she blinks at him before yawning and closing her eyes. He decides that it’s the right moment to close the door next to her seat and make his way to the driver’s seat. Turning the key into the ignition of the car as he closes the door to his side, he is still trying to process what is going on. The radio plays quietly in the background as he thinks what to do with himself. _I have no clue to what I am doing._ Sitting in the driver’s side, he reaches for his cell, and all he can think about is calling Danny to ask for his help. _Might he have some experience…right?_ Going through my texts, he finds him at the top of the list and he presses on his name. His phone number comes up and without thinking, his thumb presses ‘call’.

            Two rings are all it takes for him to pick up. _I am scared shitless! I don’t know what I am doing and I need help! I am overwhelmed!_ Thinking to himself as Danny's voice chimes in on the other end, and his train of thought stops.

            “Hey, what’s wrong?” Danny seems concerned because he knows that Julian just picked up Hannah from the hospital.

            “Is it okay if I come over when I get to the apartment complex? I honestly have no idea what I am to do, and I just thought that you might know a thing or two because you had some time with Isaac as a baby…and I am scared that I will make one wrong move and it’s over. Just—I don’t know bubs, help a guy out?” He keeps his hopefulness suppressed as he hears Danny hum to himself for a second.

            “Yeah, just know that I put Isaac down for his nap. I’ll tell you what happened when I picked him up from the agency. As you know, I am also trying to figure things out myself…maybe we can help each other figure this whole ‘fatherhood’ thing together? I mean, we really haven’t talked or seen each other in 3 days, and I guess what I want is someone who can relate to my situation at the moment. It’s strange, you know…us, the least two likely guys to be in relationships to have kids.” Danny chuckles to himself as Julain gets a face-splitting grin on his face while his heart drums loudly in his head. Sometimes, just talking to Danny brings him down from the cloud of anxiety that this whole situation has caused. Turning the key in the ignition a little more, the engine comes to life, and to stop the ‘beeping’ in his car that tells him that he hasn't buckled himself in, he just shoves the buckle part of the seat belt into the latch right away.

            “Okay, cool. I guess I’ll see you in a few.” He wants to scream and cry because not only is it this situation that makes him feel something, but it now is his old roommate that makes him feel something too. Saying their goodbyes, the line goes dead and he places his phone on a little shelf in the center consul of the car. Pulling the car into drive, the wheels taking him to the intersection. Traffic is non-existent at this point, and as he makes the drive back to his apartment, he gets this feeling that things will change for everyone involved. _Who would have thought that it would be me who would have a change of heart? Maybe, something—fate or destiny pulled us apart for us to be together._


	5. A Sweet Slice Of Heaven, For Just You and I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny finally begins to facilitate his feelings from the meeting at the agency. Chapter title comes from 'When We're Alone' by Sylvia Froos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: THIS CHAPTER IS KIND OF UPSETTING. DO NOT READ IF YOU THINK YOU CANNOT HANDLE IT.

Danny's POV:

            There is a light knocking on his door, making him put down the last dish that he was drying. Even though he has had three days to mull over everything that was told to him at the agency, he still can’t believe what Isaac has gone through without him— he feels guilty for everything he had to experience. Opening the door, Julian’s face greets him. He smiles at him before stepping aside to let him in. _It feels weird that up until 3 days ago, he used to live here…he used to just walk in._ Closing the door behind him, the car seat being settled on the countertop.

            “Hey man, so how is it being a parent?” Julian laughs and smiles because he knows that Danny knows what he is going through. Yet, he also feels more over Isaac—rage, sadness, gladness…and he remembers thinking that if he would have just fought harder, his life would not have been half as hard as it has been.

            “It’s been going. I think it kind of sucks that Emilia just gave up on her before she was even born. She has me and I guess, in a weird way, I am all she needs for now. I’m not giving up that easy. How has it been with you?” He lifts his baby out of the car seat, before adjusting her in his arms. Her eyes are open, and they are sky blue, just like Julian’s— _Wait, no. Just shove those feelings down into the depths. You don’t need more stress right now._

            “To be honest, it’s been rough. These last three days—I’ve been trying to cope with what I was told about my own son. What he was put through. I just feel so much guilt over everything Ashley did to him before she died. Isaac—he just has so much fear in his tiny body, and I have to walk on eggshells right now because of it.” Holding back tears that want to fall from his eyes, Julian looks at him with sympathy and he knows that even if he were to cry in front of him, Julian wouldn’t say anything to anyone.

            “What happened? What did the agency tell you?” Concern lacing his voice, his back leaning against the backrest of the couch. Sitting down next to him, a sigh leaves Danny's body, and he tries to come up with something that would lead into this. _I just—I can’t believe this is how she left him._

            “She—that woman—his mother, hurt him really badly. I don’t mean ignores him sometimes, but she hurt him. How do I say this? She…she would lock him in his room when she would get high on drugs, and most times it would be for days. She would ignore him at the best of times, just leaving one bottle for him in his crib. The worst that Ashley did—and she hid this very well from me, the few times that I did get supervised visitations with him, was how badly she would ‘discipline’ him. He still has some healing bruises all over his body. He’s been in the hospital more times in his first year and a half of life than you or I combined. She’s broken his arm, his leg, his tiny fingers, his wrist, even fractured some of his ribs. I just feel so guilty for not fighting harder, for not being able to take him away from that situation, for putting the game before him…I just—I just don’t understand what kind of monster would do that. He barely makes any sounds, and if he hears me open the door, he will curl up inside of his crib and tremble with fear. Julian, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to undo what Ashley did to him.” Putting his face in his hands, tears begin to leave his eyes, and his shoulders begin to shake. It feels like the air is being sucked out of his body, and as he gasps, the sounds that come out are just sobs. Julian wraps his arm around Danny's shoulders before pulling him in. The dam breaks, and all of his pain over what his own son has gone through by himself, while he was out there, living his life.

            “Danny, it’s going to be ok. I will help you. We’re here for each other, remember?” A slight crack leaves Julian’s voice at the last word, and Danny knows that he shares in his pain. He hears quiet sobbing coming from something, but it’s not Julian and it’s not him. He sees the little lights of the baby monitor flashing, telling him that Isaac has just woken up, and he probably just had another nightmare. _My poor baby._ Gathering himself the best that he can, Danny smiles at Julian before leaving his side. Making his way to Isaac’s room, it’s strange that he no longer has Julian to talk to from down the hall, and instead, things have become much too quiet. The door creaks, opening into the darkness of the room. A little night light by the crib guides him right to Isaac. His body is curled in on himself, and he is shaking again. Putting his hand on Isaac's back, he flinches and Danny's heart shatters.

            “Isaac, it’s going to be okay. Daddy will fix it.” Holding back another round of tears, his back begins to relax under the warmth of Danny's hand, but he is still curled in on himself. He lifts Isaac into his arms, and he looks at Danny with fear and terror in his green eyes. Since his heart was already shattered, at this point, it started to feel like it was just falling out of his chest in pieces. He wants to scream and cry. Curse whatever being put his baby through this. Scream into the void that is his own pain.

            “Hey, hey, hey, it’s just daddy. No one is going to hurt you, ever again. I am here to protect you, give you the love you so deserve and comfort you.” Isaac's thumb ends up in his mouth, and his body slowly uncurls in Danny's arms. Pressing him ever closer to him Isaac's eyes are looking up at him, and he notices that even though he is still terrified, he still wants to trust him. _I will earn your trust, Isaac. No one will ever do to you, what your monster of a mother did to you._ He makes a noise of displeasure at the sudden brightness of the hallway. His head turns into Danny's chest, trying to cover his eyes the best he can, a sigh of contempt leaving his body. _I think—I think this might be his first sign of trust…_ Feeling hope bloom in his ribs, he tries to make it small as possible, so as to not be saddened later on. He hears a soft humming as he enters the living room. Julian’s back is turned to him, and he realizes that it is Julian humming.

            “Hey, sorry about that. You probably heard the one-sided conversation.” Danny's smile feels weak on his face, but Julian acts like he doesn’t notice it. Isaac begins to shift in Danny's arms as he takes his seat back, right next to Julian. He can see one green eye looking up at him before hiding.

            “Isaac, you’re safe. We’re safe. This is my friend Julian. Look, he even has a baby with him. You want to see the baby?” He sees Isaac's little eyebrows scrunch up in thought, and even though he doesn’t talk yet—for fear of being punished—he understands what Danny is saying to him. He takes another second to mull it over before nodding— _WAIT! OH, MY GOD! HE JUST RESPONDED!_ Excitement bubbles up, but he suppresses it as to not scare Isaac. Sitting Isaac on his lap, Isaac regards Hannah with curiosity.

            “Julian—he responded to me.” He barely chokes out as tears begin to run down his face. It has been one of the most emotionally draining days—not only for him but for Julian as well. _Sometimes we’re not born into the family that we want, but we are given the family that we need._


	6. My Heart Is Not A Plaything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian listens to Danny talk about everything he has dealt with, while all of the feelings he has pushed down end up right under his skin. Chapter title comes from 'Don't Mention Love To Me' by Kay Thompson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, this took forever to write! Sorry about that and enjoy!

Julian's POV:

            He can’t feel anything but adoration for Danny, and how he has handled everything in stride. He can see that Danny is so broken up about everything that happened to Isaac—but right now, Julian's main focus is to make him feel okay. Pulling Danny closer to him, he is wishing that this would be real, but he has to force his feelings down because Julain knows that just wishing for the impossible will do nothing for him. _There are so many things that I wish I could say, but it’s not the right time. You know what it’s like to be a single father—having to change everything about you, but at the same time, trying to stay the same. Someone once told me that having a child is like having your heart walk right out of your body, your heart, that you willingly give away. I finally understand…but when I look at Danny, I get that same feeling, except, Danny’s holding it in his hand._

            “I am so happy that he is warming up to you. I don’t know what it’s like to be a parent to Isaac, but since you’re his father, you’re not doing half bad. You’ve already told me that you won’t give up on him, and I know that you’re going to do anything and everything to keep him safe. You’ll wait for him to trust you, and you know that I am always here for you.” Wanting to just hold him ever closer, Julian suppresses his feelings because it’s not about him, it’s about Danny. It’s about how Danny feels about Isaac—and how he is dealing with his pain. Julian just—he guesses he really wants to be the person Danny turns to when he’s having a hard day, but he knows that will never happen. Besides, if it ever did, the team won’t take it lightly, and it would change the way the team operates. There is a deep sigh and looking down, Julian sees that Danny is just looking down at Isaac in his arms, a sad smile painted on his lips.

            “Look at him Jules, he’s so small for his age. He doesn’t talk because he thinks that if he does, he’ll get punished. He doesn’t cry because of the same thing. He doesn’t know how to show emotions other than fear, and I-I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to undo what Ashley did to him…what her drug-dealing boyfriends did. The director of the agency had to tell me what really happened, and what they found during their investigation so far. I just can’t understand why she would do this-this monster was something else. There’s something you have to understand about Ashley. When I first met her, she wasn’t the woman that she became. She was caring, and actually was working towards something, but then everything started to fall apart when she ended up meeting these people, who she called ‘friends’. She would have them over at the little apartment that we shared when I would be at away games. The light that she used to carry, that used to be so bright, started to slowly dim day by day. I remember the day I caught her the first time, it was so strange. I had just come back from morning practice, and there she was, laying on the couch, with a needle hanging from the bend in her arm. I just remember running towards her and shaking her. I had to take the damn needle out of her arm and basically carry her half-dead body into my car. I remember parking my car in the fire lane of the hospital and carrying her into the emergency room entrance. Nurses were looking at me and then looking at Ashely in my arms, and then everything got crazy. Then, when she told me that she was having my baby, I thought that this would change her—and ultimately save our relationship, but of course, you know how that mess turned out. But for her to end up having what ended up being full custody of Isaac, and not take care of him the way a mother should, and blaming me and my career for not being there for Isaac, even though I fought like hell for him—I just don’t understand her motives.” There are tears just drenching his face, and it feels like he is reliving the past few years. Danny sniffles and all Julian can hear is the sound of his heart slowly fracturing beneath his ribcage. Julian wishes that there was a way that he could take Danny's pain and at least carry it with him…or even take it all away. To him, Danny is—he is such an honest guy, and for him to be in pain like this—makes Julian just want to wrap him up in a blanket and hold him until the world fades away.

            “Julian, when I gave him his first bath here, it was just—ugh, so painful to see the bruises under his skin. He has a deep, nasty looking one on the side of his body, and you can even see his ribs sticking out. He tries so hard to crawl and even try to stand up to start walking, but he can’t. His little legs start shaking every time he tries to stand—and if he tries to take a step, he tends to fall. He’s slowly starting to trust me but it’s hard to just still see the fear in his eyes. I’m trying to be strong for him, and try to show him that he’s not going to get in trouble for just existing, but I don’t know how to deal with these emotions that I am feeling. Julian, how have you been dealing with everything, you know? Like how have you transitioned so easily from single mode to dad mode? Just how…” Sighing, Julian's arms pulling him even closer. _Resist the urge to kiss his head._ Trying to just digest everything that Danny has told him, thinking about how he is really dealing with this life-changing moment. _I really haven’t put much thought into how I am actually going to do this. How can I explain to my daughter, when she can talk, about her mother? How can I tell her what it’s like to be a girl in this world?_

            “To be honest…I don’t know how I am going to do this. I am scared shitless, bub. This is going to be so difficult, but yet, so amazing. I want everything to go right, but I know it’s not going to happen. Perfection doesn’t really exist outside of fantasy. I mean, I thought that being a father wasn’t for me and that it wasn’t something that would ever happen, yet here I am, sitting with you, with a baby in my arm, and you with one too. Did you think when you first got drafted that this would happen? I thought that I would just be the most eligible bachelor in the world. You know, no strings attached type of relationships, and not having to worry about anything but myself. Now, that has changed in such a short amount of time. I went from not having anything baby related to now having my apartment be baby proof. I went from being your roommate to sitting here with you, and me living next door. The thing that I am trying to say is that—well, we will always have each other’s back. I’ve had yours from day one and you’ve had mine from day one.” Julian feels Danny's head lift from his shoulders, Danny's eyes red from crying while he looks up at Julian, and his heart is just beating out of tune. He feels like all he can hear is the harsh beat of his heart sped up in his head, along with the static of silence in the air.

            “Thanks for listening to me just—rant, I guess. It’s been really painful dealing with what happened on my own. I want to keep the strongest front for not just Isaac, but to make sure that the media hasn’t picked up on what happened. I don’t know if I am ready to go back to practice quite yet. I don’t want to leave him with someone that he doesn’t trust, especially when he barely trusts me. I don’t want him to think that I am going to the same thing that his mother did—leave him with someone else or leave him alone. I don’t want to make him feel like he is alone in this world when he is not, but after what he has been through, I don’t blame him for taking things slow. Reaching milestones way after he is supposed to. All I worry about with him is that I want him to hit those milestones, but I also don’t want him to fall way behind. I just—I just don’t know what I am going to do when we have to go to practice. Do you have any idea of what you’re going to do when you go back on Monday? Do you know who is going to be with Hannah? I don’t even know if the coach is going to let us bring them with us.” Thinking about what Danny just told him, all Julian can hear in his head is _I think it’s time you guys have a talk with both the team and the coaches on this matter. Maybe they will understand what we are going through because we are still trying to wrap our heads around what we are going through. I am just scared of everything to do with parenting right now and I feel lost._

            “Danny, I think we should just tell the coach and the team come Monday. I also think that we can bring our kids with us, and just tell them that we don’t trust anyone yet with taking care of them and that our parents are in different states.” Smiling down at him, Julian's brain and heart take over his body. _Fuck it, just go for it._ Staring into his eyes, all Julian can see is worry and terror in them.  Julain's hand cups Danny's face and he leans down _…I never knew that this is what true love feels like._


	7. I Keep Your Photograph Deep Down In My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian and Danny finally break down their emotional walls. Chapter title comes from 'I Still Go On Wanting You' by Belle Baker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, I struggled to get through writing this chapter...it's probably allergies. Anyway, enjoy!

Danny's POV:

           His heart is thumping in his ears while Julian's face inches ever-closer to his. Danny really wants what Julian wants to do—but he doesn't want Julian to do it out of pity for him. Putting his hand up between them, Julian leans back…as if he were burned by the flames of Danny's unrequited love. Sighing to himself, an elephant of emotions is heavy on his chest.

            “Julian, if you’re going to do the thing that I think you want to do—and trust me, I want it too…so badly. I just don’t want you to do it because you feel pity for me or feel bad about the situation that Isaac has gone through. I want you to do it because you feel something because you care about me and not because of some burden you have. I want you to know that you, Julian, are the only person I have ever felt okay around. I don’t have to walk on eggshells with you—and you just—get me in a way that no one else has, or has attempted to.” The concern in both Julian and Danny's eyes, he just wants to scream everything out into an empty void, but he has been holding these feelings back for so long that if he didn’t tell Julian now, he would never say it out loud. Smiling at him, Julian kisses his head and wraps him tighter in his arm, bringing Danny even closer. His hand pressing ever so lightly against Danny's arm, and the warmth seeping through the sleeve of his shirt. _I really hope that what he was about to do is actually him and not some sick prank he thought about on a whim._  A weird pressure breaks him out of his thoughts and he realizes that Julian is pressing against him—no, he is pressing his lips against Danny's. Freezing in place, he cannot do anything because his brain just turned into static noise. He wants to dance and he wants to cry as emotions flood every vein in his body. The static in the air becomes heavy as Julian pulls away, and before he can get too far, Danny pulls him back in. _You don’t know how long I have waited for this…even before the super bowls, or kids, or late-night practices. Even way before we were roommates…. I have loved you. You don’t know how much time I have spent memorizing the curve of your nose, the shade of blue in your eyes, or the way you smirk when you don’t want to laugh too much at someone being stupid at practice._

“Danny, I don’t think I would even have it in me to kiss you if it were out of pity. I have been pushing these feelings down for so long and I have had enough of them coming up on the surface, but me being too coward, I wouldn’t do anything about them. I’ve liked you since we first met at training camp all those years ago. Every time you would just even smile at me, I could hear my heartbeat in my ears and my palms would begin to sweat. I always want to just stare into your eyes and to be able to even know what your emotions are, without you saying a thing. I want to look at you in the mornings and know that I’m the luckiest guy in the whole damn team because you chose me over anyone else.” There is this weird pressure behind Danny's eyes, and his vision becomes blurry. Tears begin to fall from his eyes and cascade down his cheeks. _I’ve been waiting for this…and I’ve always wanted this, but I never knew how you’ve felt about me, Julian._

            “I’ve always waited for you, and I wanted to just be near you since day one. Even more now, because you understand the situation that I am in. I want you to know, that whatever you choose this relationship to be, just know that I will take this seriously. I know that it’s going to be hard, whatever you choose this to be, and you will probably not want the media to know, and I get that, but we have to tell the team. I know that Rob and Tom will notice right away, hell, even Jimmy will notice, and then everyone else will follow. I will be right next to you, and if you let me, I will hold your hand through it, if you need it.” Feeling his lips smile, Julian's eyes looking into Danny's. He just wants to swim in the same color of water as Julian's eyes. His emotions are on his sleeves, and Danny can tell that this will be hard for him—as hard for Danny too. Julian presses his lips to Danny's again, and his face heats up—silently telling him that he already made up his mind.

            “Yeah, we can tell the team. I am ready to call you mine, and I could care less who doesn’t like it. You and me, and these two babies in our arms, that’s what really matters. I’ve never known that this is what I wanted. I thought that being a bachelor was something that I would live my life out on, that I would always be the ‘player’…and then you stepped right into my line of vision.” Julian smiles at him before pulling Danny back in, his arm wrapping around Danny's shoulders. _For the first time, I can picture us doing this whole ‘parenting’ thing together. We wouldn’t be alone and we could give them a household where either one of us will be with them at all times. They will never be alone, and they will never have to go into something like a daycare—where kids like ours will fade into the background._

“I know this might sound weird—and you can say no, but do you think you and Hannah would want to spend the night here? I know that you’re really new to being a dad, and I think that I could help you—and maybe, you can help me with Isaac…” Feeling his nerves getting shot all of the sudden, he knows that he wants Julian and Hannah to stay the night, but at the same time, he doesn't want to force anything on Julian. They are good friends—but they are still new to this whole father and relationship thing.

            “I kinda wanted to ask you if it was okay to stay the night—I’m nervous about everything right now, and you’re right. I’m scared shitless about doing this alone. I don’t even know how you did it so far, and be so willing to accept the things that have been done, and know that it’s hard for you to keep a strong front, but I don’t want you to hide behind it—especially with me. I’ve seen what you’re feeling, and pushing it down will not do you any good. It will only cause you more pain if you keep those feelings hidden.” Julian's lips press against Danny's forehead, and he feels a stirring in his arms—his heart beating widely out of tune. Isaac’s eyes are looking up at Danny, hope, and fear still in them.

            “Hey, buddy. Did you have a good nap?” Smiling down at him, Isaac turns his face to hide it from Danny again. He still feels his heart break within his ribcage, and Julian’s arm tightens ever so slightly around Danny. He feels Julian's lips pressed against the side of his face as Isaac begins to move around in his arms. Isaac's little arms stretch out before he brings them back to his chest, and he’s looking up at Danny, curling in on himself. He makes no noises at all, just looks up at him. Danny can tell that he wants to trust him so badly, but Isaac doesn’t know how to.

            “Julian—I don’t know how to get his trust. It’s—it’s dinner time for him right now and everything that I know happened to him, it always is hard to try to feed him when all he wants to do is shrink himself. What can I do?” Whispering more to himself than to Julian, his lips pressing against Danny's temple.

            “Maybe I can try…and you can show me how to care for a newborn? I mean, maybe, if he sees that I want to help him, he’ll let me try.” He smiles at me before putting Hannah in her car seat. She makes a subtle movement before settling back down—to continue her sleep. He then plucked Isaac from Danny's arms. Isaac’s eyes show shock and slight terror, and he knows that Julian is trying to help him, but at the same time, he wants to stop him.

            “Julian, wait. Isaac’s about to cry. Here, I’ll put him in his high chair before making his dinner.” Smiling at him, he hands over Isaac to Danny, and he feels Isaac’s panic slowly start to ebb away. Placing Isaac in his high chair, he stares at the tray in front of him. Julian takes the seat across from him, placing his hands down flat on the tray.

            “Hey bubs. I’m Julian. I’m your daddy’s friend.” He sees Julian smile, and he notices that Isaac is holding his fingers in his tiny hands. Danny's heart begins to flutter again, and he is holding in all of his adoration for Julian, in fear of possibly scaring Isaac. _This is the first time he has willingly held someone else’s hand…maybe, just maybe Julian can help Isaac let go of the fear._


	8. Tell Me Now, I’ve Got to Know. Whether You Want Me to Stay or Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian realizes more about his feelings for Danny. Chapter title comes from 'Love Me or Leave Me' by Ruth Etting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like we are coming towards the end of the story....maybe...IDK.

Julian's POV:

            _“So tell me, my love, did you ever think that we would have taken our vows in front of our teammates? You probably thought that you would just end up being alone, with no one who you would really connect with, yet here we are. I always thought that maybe, just maybe, I would be able to pick myself up after my last failed relationship and glue myself back together the best I can. I never thought though, that it would be you to help me.” Danny whispers in my ear as we dance the first dance as a married couple. My head leaning against his shoulder, and it must look weird to everyone, because Danny’s an inch taller, yet here I am, with my head on his shoulder._

_“I always thought that this married life—that it was just for people who were so insecure about themselves that they needed someone else to validate them. I was wrong. I never felt so sure of myself—of anything until you came into my life. When we made that decision to help each other out because we didn’t know what we were doing—we still don’t, if we’re being honest with ourselves. I needed help with raising a newborn, and you were there. You needed help with your year and a half child, and I became the person you needed to lean on. I always told you, from day one, I had your back if you had mine. You’ve proven that to me, and you-you just being you, I fell more and more in love with you.” Kissing his jaw, there is the pressure of tears behind my eyes. I always wanted this life, and even though I played it off like I wanted to stay single, it always hurt me to never be in that committed relationship unitl—_

            A sound rouses Julian from his sleep. Looking over the clock, it says 4:30, the green numbers teasing him in the dark—taunting his sleep. There is a humming sound coming from somewhere close to him. Julian reaches over to Danny’s side of the bed, seeing that it was the only bed in the whole place that would even fit two adults—but his side is empty, radiating with body heat. Looking around, he finds the source of the humming. It’s the baby monitor by Danny’s side of the bed. Knowing that he won’t be able to close his eyes until Danny comes back, Julian decided that he better go check on Hannah. Quietly, he gets his feet to touch the cold, wooden floor, and a chill going through his body. His feet carry him to the hallway, and it’s strange that he once used to travel these hallways all the time, but now-now it has become a child’s room.

            Looking into the doorway of what used to be his room, Julian sees a sight that just makes him want to take his heart out of his chest and hand it over to him. Danny’s sitting in a cushioned rocking chair, a small table lamp illuminating the side of his face in the dull glow. What catches Julian off guard though, is that Danny is not holding Isaac in his arms—but rather he is holding Hannah. He is looking down at her, his hand holding a bottle to her mouth, and her eyes are closed. Julian can hear the song he is humming—and he never thought that would be a song that he would know in the first place. Now more than ever, Julian is wishing that the dream that he woke from was all the more real. He could see them doing this for the rest of their lives—if he were to ever marry Julian in the first place. Even though they are now just starting out a relationship, he can feel that Danny was the one for him and that Julian would do anything and everything to keep him by my side.

            “I know you’ve been standing there Jules. Hannah started whimpering in her sleep, and I didn’t want her to wake Isaac, so since I have become a light sleeper, I came in here as she was about to start crying. She just wanted someone to hold her as she ate, and man, she has your eyes. You’re going to become a light sleeper too. Right now, since you’re new to this, you’re still going to be able to enter a deep sleep, but about a week in, you will become a light sleeper. I didn’t want to wake you since I was already up, so I just figured maybe Hannah would want to have some getting to know me time.” He is smiling down at her, and it is like all of the love that he has ever held in his heart is pouring out of him in waves. He looks at her like her mother should have—with adoration and wonder, and with the fight for her protection. He lays her on his chest and begins to pat her back, knowing that she could possibly spit upon him—at least Julian has been around enough babies to know—but he doesn’t care. He sighs deeply, a look of contentment on his face.

            “This is what I wish I could do with Isaac—just hold him close and take in his scent. Feel his breathing because of him having his head on my shoulder. Having him call me ‘dada’, and taking him to the park or the zoo. Watch him take his first steps, and discovering what things are beyond his room. I even just—just having him get his first time out…what I would give to reverse time and change everything that he experienced. Unfortunately, I have no power to do so, but man, what I would give to have Isaac back at this age—before everything was ruined for him.” There are tears rolling down his face, making him look younger than his years. There are so many things that Julian wishes he could say like: ‘I’m so sorry that time was taken from you’ or ‘If I had the power to turn back time, I would because Isaac deserves nothing but the best’ or ‘I wish I could take your pain’, but none of that could really make him feel better. What’s worse is that while he has Isaac, Danny can’t take the horrible memories that Ashley left him with. Instead, Julian's feet carry him to Danny's side, his hand ending up in his hair. Julian's fingers are threading through the strands, and he sighs, Julian's knees end up bending down so that he can be eye level with Danny.

            “Danny, I wish I could just take everything that has ever hurt you away from your mind. I wish I could give you happiness that can replace all of the horrible and despicable things that Ashley left you with. I wish that Hannah didn’t have a mother who she will never know because she wanted nothing to do with her newborn daughter. There is nothing that could help us take all of that back, but we have each other. The way you interact with Hannah—it’s almost like she was always yours. You already have shown her more love than I or her mother ever could—and she’s only been around for three days.” Julian's lips find Danny's temple, he leans into it. Julian then kisses Danny's lips, tasting the salt of his sadness from his tears.

            “I think she was meant to be mine…I’ve felt it since you first brought her here this afternoon—and I’ve seen how you are with Isaac. How you got him to open up to you, I wish I could do that. I saw how he ended up holding your finger after you introduced yourself to him. He had a spark in him, something that I have never seen in the three days that I’ve had him. You treat him as if he was yours all along, and you are so gentle and you don’t push him to go out of his comfort zone. I just wish I had that with him too…maybe you can show me how you got him to trust you. I mean, I have tried, and he has made some progress, but with you—with you, he lights up.” Julian's heart feels like it just wants to walk right out from behind his lungs. He just wants to hand him the world, because, to him, he has just solidified his place as the gravity that tethers him. Pressing his lips to Danny's again, Julian wants him to feel all of the love that his body can offer in it. He gulps a sigh of air as they part, and all Julian can feel is hope mixed with pain radiating from him. There is a soft sound of sheets rustling, and it only means one thing—that Isaac is about to wake up. Danny looks at him with worry in his eyes before looking down at Hannah in his arms. Julian knows what he is telling him, even without words— _I can’t hold two babies at the same time…help me._

            “Hey bubs. I know, I know, it’s been rough.” Whispering to Isaac as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes before yawning, his body tenses up momentarily in Julian's arms, and he understands what Danny has really been going through. He understands why Danny hides his sadness so well, and while Julian's heart shatters in his head, Isaac’s head lays on his shoulder. Looking over to Danny, his eyes have grown wide with tears welling up in them. For some reason, when Julian sees the tears in his eyes, his own well up. He bets Danny probably feels the same way he does about him holding Hannah when he looks at him holding Isaac.

            “I have this feeling that Isaac was supposed to be mine, but I got lucky, because you’re willing to share him with me, and you’re willing to help me with Hannah, hell, you’re even willing to just accept her as she was your own. I can’t believe that Isaac has trusted me to be the person he wants to lean on. I know that Hannah probably chose you because even in the short time I’ve had her, she won’t calm, even if I hold her. I am just so nervous about bringing them with us tomorrow to practice. Who is going to watch them? Do we know? Neither of our families are even remotely close to us. I haven’t even told my parents yet about Hannah yet. I don’t know how we’re even going to start the—” Danny's lips end up pressing against Julian's in an attempt to quell his worries and shut down his anxiety. He presses his hand against Julain's face before smiling at him as they part.

            “It’s going to be okay. At least the roof over the stadium is going to be closed, so it’s going to be warm. I have a feeling that the team is going to be okay…maybe even become an extended family. The coaches and Kraft…that is who I am nervous about. As for who is going to be with them while we’re at practice—I guess it’s going to have to be us. We don’t really have anyone that we can wholly trust. We’ll just have them in one of those portable playpens. We will be okay...as long as you have my back, I have yours, and as long as you love me, I will love you back.” Danny's lips press against Julian's again, and all he can see behind his eyelids is the spark of their future. _The possibilities of what we can become, and what love we can share with our children…our children, hmm, I’d like that._


	9. ….Of the Time That We Have Known Dear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny and Julian tell the whole team everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a longer one...and so that is why it took me so long to update! Chapter title comes from 'Hymn To Love' by Edith Piaf.

Danny’s POV:

            Sitting on the locker room bench, next to Julian, he is holding Hannah in his arms and Danny is holding Isaac in his. Julian's hand intertwined with Danny's, and the warm pressure of his thumb circling the top of his hand slowly ebbs away at his anxiety. There are sounds of shoes squeaking, followed by the echoes of a conversation that is coming closer. Looking at Julian, a small smile graces Danny's lips and taking in some deep breaths, he goes into his happy place—the place in his mind in which Julian and he are married with two adorable kids…. luckily, he is halfway there already. _Why do I feel like this is going to be another life-changing moment?_

            “Hey, guys! What’s going…. on?” Rob’s face showing the confusion in his mind, and poor Jimmy just ends up bumping right into his back. Jimmy looks up, before going around the statue that has become Rob. Jimmy walks right to his locker, paying no mind to what made Rob stop in his tracks in the first place. Danny can hear the music flowing out of Jimmy’s earphones, and Danny worries that it could ruin his hearing. Jimmy puts his bag into his locker, his back turned to them, before taking off his earphones and turning to talk to them.

            “Jules! Danny! How was your night…what is happening?” Jimmy is just as confused as Rob, and Danny begins to worry more because neither one is saying anything. They’re both frozen, and as the rest of the team begins to file in, they are lucky that neither Hannah or Isaac have awakened. The rest of the guys are quiet, some are yawning, others are rubbing their eyes. Most of the guys are quiet, barely even acknowledging each other, let alone two smaller people. Just when Danny thought that he could actually do this—Hannah begins to start crying really loudly in the almost silent locker room. Most of the guys are confused as they turn to look at both Julian and Danny, and he has never wanted to disappear so badly until right now.

            “Would one of you like to explain what is going on?” The coach almost screams as he walks in, and at this point, Hannah just keeps going, her crying becoming almost unbearable. Looking over to Julian, Danny can tell that he is about to panic, so he nudges him, letting Julian know to trade with him. Julian hesitates, but then passes over Hannah, and Danny passes over Isaac. Isaac ends up snuggling into Julian’s arms, and Hannah—she begins to calm.

            “So…it’s a funny story coach. Over the weekend, we kind of became parents overnight. We honestly had no choice in the matter. Julian got a call the same day I did. The mother—she was oh so willing to give up her parental rights. She even told Julian that he could either have full custody of the baby, or she was going to go into foster care until they found a couple for adoption. Julian chose to keep her, and take full responsibility of her. Whereas with me…with me, it has been a rough journey to get to where I am right now. Isaac had it the worst. The woman who I thought I was going to marry—well, she turned out to be the worst person to be around. She only made herself even sicker once Isaac was born. The worst part is that—she abandoned him after breaking him down. She died last week, and thankfully, my number was still on file along with my paperwork, because if it wasn’t…I don’t know where he could have ended up. The reason we have them with us right now is because I don’t trust anyone enough to even watch my son, let alone watch my daughter as well. I would rather it be us watching our kids, even if that means that they have to be on the sidelines while we do practice drills. Coach, you cannot make me change my mind. I bought a playpen for them to be in while we practice, but they are mine and Julian’s responsibility. And while I am on that subject—Julian and I are in a relationship.” Realizing that he had said _my daughter_ , even though Hannah is only Julian’s legally, makes Danny feel some type of way. _I honestly will not take back calling Hannah my daughter. When I said to Julian that she felt like she was already mine—I meant it. They are my kids as much as they are Julian’s._ Hannah begins to even out her breathing, her head laying on Danny's shoulder as he holds her close. The coach is just staring at Danny, his lips set in a hard line, because he is holding back the rage screaming that he really wants to do. Danny feels Julian physically stiffen besides him, his hand clamming up in Danny's.

            “You two, my office, now. No kids. Jimmy, Rob, watch the kids. Let’s go.” The coach turns to walk right out of the locker room, and without a second thought, he hands Hannah over to Jimmy, while Julian hands Isaac to Rob. He can feel the rage radiating off coach as they follow him down the hallway, Julian’s hand clamming up even more in his. He wants to cry and run, taking Julian and the kids with him. He is not looking forward to the verbal beat down they are about to receive, but nonetheless, he makes peace with his fate and accepts it. Entering the office, there are two chairs in front of the coach’s desk—it feels more like visiting the principal’s office rather than the coach’s. Hearing the door click closed behind him, Danny is afraid of facing the coach.

            “WHEN IN THE HELL WERE YOU BOTH GOING TO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED? DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT A PR NIGHTMARE ALL OF THIS WILL BE? WE ARE GOING TO BE SCRAMBLING TO EVEN HAVE A PRESS RELEASE! YOU ARE LUCKY THAT THE PRESS ISN’T GOING TO BE HERE TODAY—BECAUSE IT’S A CLOSED PRACTICE. NOW YOU BOTH WILL SIT DOWN AND TELL ME EVERYTHING, FROM THE BEGINNING.” The coach is red in the face from all the screaming, and he can't blame him. Danny understands where the coach is coming from. Hell, he would have fired himself and Julian if he were in his shoes. Sitting down in the chairs that are in front of his desk, Julian’s hand is now shaking in Danny's. His thumb is making circular motions on the top of Danny's hand, trying his best to calm Julian down.

            “Well, it has been a rough 3 days for both of us. Isaac’s mom died, and I am the only family he has left. The details of what happened to cause her death are too painful for me to speak about. Julian hasn’t had it easy either. I’ve been helping him along, and he’s been helping me. Yes, he and I are dating, but that is not going to get in the way of the game. The kids are going to stay here during practice, because like I said before, we really do not trust many people to look after our children during practice. I am willing to have a press conference with the media, but I don’t want to answer any questions, and I want to make it clear that this is my private life, and my private life is not media fodder.” Taking some deep breaths after my little speech, Danny can feel Julian’s gaze on the side of his face.

            “I am also willing to do a press conference with the media, and like Danny said, I will make it clear that my private life will stay private. I will have no questions asked, and it will be made clear that none of this will be brought up again.” Julian’s hand tightens in Danny's, and he can feel his fear and confidence through it. _I know that this wasn’t how we wanted things to happen, but we have to take advantage of the opportunities that have been presented._

            “You both will go back to the locker room, get ready for practice and go on like it’s a normal day. Do not give any hints to anyone about your relationship until the press conference. You will say that you got stuck babysitting, and thought it would be great to bring the kids to one of the practices. NONE of this will get out to the media before the press conference tomorrow, do I make myself clear?” The air becoming tenser as Danny nods, not wanting to piss off coach even more. He doesn’t need to cause any more problems for himself or Julian. Coach gives us the signal to leave, and as soon as they both get out of the office and down the hall, Julian’s head is on Danny's shoulder, and he can feel his tears soaking through his shirt. Danny's hands are moving up and down his back, and his arms holding Julian close. A couple of tears make their way down his face as well, knowing that everything they have worked for is going to be on the line. All of the things that they have worked for in a very short amount of time, yet have been prolonged, could come crumbling down in seconds.

            “It’s going to be okay. They know our terms, and they are willing to stick by them. Now let’s get ready and not think about tomorrow. We are going to enjoy our time today, and enjoy being with the kids, and enjoy being a make-shift family.” Sighing, Danny lets go of Julian, and he leans back from him. Looking him in the eyes, Danny understands that he is afraid that at the same time—he knows how much of a relief it will be. Walking back down to the locker room, Danny can hear quiet chatter, with the sounds of giggles and shrieks of laughter mixed in. His heart begins to swell with joy, knowing that at least Isaac feels safe enough to let some joy in. Looking into the locker room before walking in, Julian is peering in behind his. Rob is holding Isaac, a huge smile on his little face. Jimmy, on the other hand, is holding a fully awake Hannah, who is looking up at him while he chats with another teammate. Making his way towards his locker, tears trying to leave Danny's eyes. There is a whimpering noise behind him, and then a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, Rob is holding a very teary Isaac.

            “Hey, buddy, what’s wrong? You were fine 3 seconds ago.” Rob hands over Isaac, and as soon as he does, Isaac’s head ends up on his shoulder. For the first time, he feels the biggest burden lifting off his shoulders. _He trusts me—and what’s more, he didn’t tense up when he first saw me._ Danny feels Isaac's little hands intertwine with his shirt, and he ends up having to sit back down on the bench, tears trying to go down his face. He knows that he has finally made some progress with Isaac, but it’s still so hard to hear him laugh and be happy, while with Danny, he’s been nervous around him. He understands it though—going from one parent to another—especially when the first parent betrays him, of course, he would have trust issues, but yet…Isaac's made progress in such a short amount of time. It makes Danny proud, even if it is a slow start.

            Looking at Julian, he is already in his gear to go out on the field, and Danny realizes that he still hasn’t gotten the time to even put his shoulder pads on. Julian gives him that look of ‘get ready—and quick’, and Danny just hands him Isaac and shoves his shoulder pads on over the shirt that he is already wearing. _Damn it! Guess I am going home without a shirt._ Putting on the number 80, he gets this surge of adrenaline. It’s the first practice that both of the kids will be at…and the first that Julian and he are exclusive. It’s a lot to digest, and yet, he is just so excited to see how this practice goes.

            “Babe, we’re going to get into more trouble if we’re not on the field in like 30 seconds. I know I can’t say this at all while we’re out there, but, I love you.” Feeling his heart swell, Danny holds back his emotions as they stroll down the hall into the entrance of the field. His hand quickly reaches for Julian's, their fingers brushing against each other, and even though they can’t show any affection outside of the locker room today, come tomorrow, everyone will know—and the weight of the world would be off his body for once. Somehow, Julian can carry both kids and the playpen, but it’s Julian so Danny doesn’t question it.

            Everyone is already running drills before we even get out there. Julian hands Danny the playpen to set up, and Julian sits Isaac down on the grass before unbuckling Hannah out of her car seat. She whimpers, and there is pure terror in Julian’s face. Luckily, Danny had just finished setting up the playpen at that point. Taking Hannah from Julian’s arms into his,  Danny finds it funny that his shoulder pads make him look even more jacked than he really is. Blue eyes are looking up at him in wonderment, and Danny can see the gears turning in her brain. At least she’s not scared of him in these pads.

            “Yeah, her eyes are captivating.” Julian’s hand lands on my upper arm, and Danny snaps out of his trance. Isaac is just looking out to the field, and he feels like Isaac is more captivated by watching the team practice. His little head turns in the direction that Rob and Jimmy run. For a short amount of time, he looks like he formed an instant attachment. _I know I shouldn’t feel hurt—but this suck. I’ve tried with him for the first three days, and yet, he forms an instant connection with Rob and Jimmy—hell, he is even more attached to Jules than he is to me. I just don’t know if this is what he needs—am I enough? Could I ever be—”_ He feels the back of his neck getting tapped on before he turns around quickly, almost giving himself a dizzy spell.

            “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” Tom asks, pulling Danny out of the sideline and away from any prying ears. He knows that whatever Tom has to say, it’s going to be something that will either make or break him.

           “Danny, I know you’re struggling with everything that has been thrown at you over the weekend. I can tell that you’re confused as to why Isaac took to Rob and Jimmy right away—and it’s because they act like small children in full-grown men bodies. But when it comes to Hannah, you know what you’re doing. I saw the look of desperation and fear in Julian’s face when you guys walked in from the meeting this morning. Hannah was just losing her mind, and I got scared because she started turning a deep red. No matter who held her or who rocked her, she wouldn’t stop. The only reason she was quiet when you guys walked in was because she cried herself into exhaustion. I can just tell that you’re the one Hannah looks to for safety. Now, I know that you’ve worked your ass off to get Isaac to even be where he is emotionally…and that you did that in 3 days is amazing. He went from feeling alone and scared of having a whole team to trust. That’s thanks to you. I can tell that he is much happier just even being around you. Just know, that it’s not you, and just let him take his time. He will connect to people at different rates, but that’s okay. At the end of the day, he will always look for you the most.” Tom's hand becomes a welcome weight on Danny's shoulder pad, and holding his emotions down deep becomes a little harder. He finally understands what Isaac feels when he connects with someone—it’s a sense of safety and security for that exact moment. A whistle blows then, and Tom and Danny are running back to the field. The practice goes on as normal, and he can tell that Isaac is more interested in what is going on in practice than the toys that are within reach for him.

           “Yeah man, it’s been crazy busy—” A loud wail breaks through the murmurs between the last plays. Danny knows that cry anywhere and what it means, and even before anyone can fully comprehend what is happening, he takes off sprinting towards the playpen. Covered in sweat and grass stains, his mind could care less about how his body feels and more about what is going on. Picking up his little princess, her cries quieting down to whimpers. Danny can tell right away what’s wrong, and without saying a word, he walks right back to the locker room. Grabbing the diaper bag from his locker, he realizes that being more than a father to just Isaac is what his life was meant to be. Danny is always, somehow needed, and even though Hannah is biologically Julian’s, she became his the day Julian brought her to his apartment.

           “My sweet little girl, it’s okay. All done. We’re okay.” Kissing her forehead, his nose inhales the baby shampoo that Julian bathed her with this morning. Holding her body close to his, he can feel that she’s relaxing against his football pads. Everyone is staring at him when he comes back out to the field, and he realizes that he must look crazy holding a baby with all of his football gear on. Danny places her back down into the playpen and continues practice as if nothing was happening. Danny knows that there are some reporters trying to get in, but in reality,  he knows security already kicked them out before the practice even began. He tries not to think too much ahead, and he ended up just focusing on this final play. The whistle rings out, and coach is calling for a final huddle.

           “Tomorrow, there is a press conference after the morning practice. A lot of reporters will try to get your reactions coming out of the locker room. You are all instructed to not comment on it, for the safety of the two players who this press conference is for. The players who are doing the press conference know what they are to say. With that said, you are all dismissed.” Breaking up the huddle, Julian and Danny make their way to the playpen, where Isaac is curled up right next to a sleeping Hannah—making Danny wish that he had my phone on him to take a picture.

           “They look so cute.” Julian is smiling down at them, a look of contempt gracing his face. Knowing that these moments—this day—will be the last day that Julian and he are just Julian and he to themselves. No outside influence or voices having an opinion on who they are or what they do. No prying eyes deconstructing the little, make-shift family they created. _This is what my happy place looks like…Isaac and Hannah curled up together, and Julian looking at them with such fondness on the side of the football field, and my heart swelling with unmeasurable joy._  


	10. Happiness Comes Double, After A Little Pain…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julain realizes the real difference Danny made in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter, Y'all! Chapter title comes from 'If You Want The Rainbow, You Must Have The Rain' by Lee Morse.

Julian’s POV:

            _“Thank you all for taking the time to come to this press conference. Danny and I have decided that it’s best if you all know the reason for why practices have been closed as of late. He and I have recently become single parents. He has allowed me to talk about his circumstances, as though he feels that it is better for me to say what happened, to spare him from any more unnecessary pain. The woman who was the mother of his child tragically died a couple of weeks ago, and the details of her death are even too harsh for me to repeat. As for me, a woman that I met had notified me that she was having my baby and that she would either give up the child for adoption or terminate her parental rights, thus making me the sole caregiver. I chose to become the sole caregiver, because I could not bear the thought of being separated from my child, and not getting to know who she is going to become. As for the children, themselves—Danny’s son Isaac is doing very well now that Danny has custody. It has taken him a little longer than expected for him to reach his milestones, but we are confident that he will catch up to his peers. As for my daughter, she is almost hitting her first week of being on this earth. I have gotten to know her, and we love and adore Hannah. I say ‘we’ a lot, because Danny and I decided to help each other out, seeing that we ended up in the same situation within 24 hours of each other. Our small family unit is doing just fine—and yes, Danny and I are exclusive.” Julian can hear the shuttering of the cameras as lights begin to go off from different directions. Danny’s hand reaches for his under the table, and he can tell that Danny is equally as nervous._

_“We are not taking any questions at this moment. I fully back up what Julian just stated, and that is all the truth, and this is the only time that either our relationship or children will be brought up. After this, we will no longer talk about any of this, because we want to keep our private life separate from our professional life. Although in time, the circumstances in which I gained custody of Isaac will become clear, but for now, we are requesting privacy—not only for the sake of ourselves and the team but more importantly, for the sake of Hannah and Isaac. That is all, thanks.” Pulling Danny up with him from his seat, they walk off the stage, it is dead silent, with the exception of shutters and lights going off. Danny’s hand is still holding his, and it feels so relieving that everything that they worked so carefully for will not be affected, and that there is nothing that the media can say that would compromise their relationship or their small family unit. As soon as they walk out of the press conference room, making sure that there are no more reporters or prying eyes, they let the walls come down._

_“I…I feel lighter, and like nothing can no longer hurt me the way that it used to. I don’t have to fear if the person that I am is going to get me kicked out of the team, or that my relationship would be seen as grounds for dismissal from the league. We are always what we needed for each other, and what I always wanted.” Danny's lips press against his, before breaking apart and taking him further down the hallway, into the locker room. Knowing that reporters or cameras are not allowed in here at all today, he presses Julian against the closest wall. The warm pressure of his lips on Julian's again, his mind wanders off to the happy memory that became his go-to happy place when he is stressed. It’s been a rough week for them, and he can’t believe that this is how they created the family they have now. Well…Danny and he aren’t known for doing anything half-assed. If they want to achieve something, they will find the means to do it, even if it means going against society’s rules. Rules be damned if someone is going to try to break his little family apart._

            “Hey, Julian, what are you thinking about? It’s almost time for the first dance. Are you okay?” Danny’s hand becoming a welcomed weight in his. He’s smiling at Julian, and even though the lights are dimmed, he can still see the deep brown of his eyes filled with love and concern. Julian always thought that happiness was something that he could never find. That love was some myth that only people of pure hearts could find and that those feelings being reciprocated would be a rarity. Pressing his lips to Danny's, it still feels like the first time—when they both knew that there would be something more than just spur of the moment emotions.

            “Papa, I need to go potty.” Looking down at Isaac, it is crazy to think that a year ago, he couldn’t even verbalize what he really needed.  He could barely crawl, let alone stand or walk. He wouldn’t make a noise, so Danny and Julian always had to guess when he was awake. If Danny or Julian held Isaac, he would curl up into himself and tremble out of the ingrain fear that his mother gave to him. It took some time, but he slowly started to catch up to his peers.

            _“Mmmmmpppapa! PAPA!” A little voice is shrieking from the living room—his phone clattering to the floor. Julian feels like he is hearing things…because Isaac doesn’t talk, and Hannah, well she’s too young. Making his way to the living room, Isaac is sitting on the floor, an almost full set of baby teeth greeting Julian as Isaac looks up._

_“Papa! Papa! Papa!” He is giggling while tears of sheer joy run down Julian's face. He can’t believe Isaac finally spoke. He knew he had to call Danny right away because it was his efforts that made all of this possible—his patience, his love, his kindness, and support. Looking up his number, Julian decided to video call him instead._

_“Hey, what’s wrong?” He’s probably confused considering that Julian never call unless there is something really wrong, and Danny does the same. Danny also can see the tear tracks on Julian's face and he just kneels down next to Isaac, who is just playing with his blocks._

_“Papa?” Isaac’s voice breaks the silence, and he can hear a gasp from the speakers on his phone. Danny looks like he is running to some other place—maybe a room away from all of the commotion of the movie premiere. He enters an empty room, and Julian can tell now, that while running, he was also hiding the fact that he started to cry._

_“Julian…did he-did he just say his first word?” He nods, the lump in his throat making it hard for him to speak, knowing that if he did, his voice will crack and another wave of tears would leave his eyes. Danny’s breath shudders, and he is so close to sobbing—and then Isaac looks up to see Danny on my phone screen. This bright smile breaks out on his face, and then he does something else that ends up just making me cry in joy._

_“Dada! Dada! Dada!” Isaac begins to wave and shriek at the sight of Danny, and Danny’s jaw just drops along with Julian's. Not only is he speaking, but he knows who they are. Danny’s back ends up against a wall, and then he slides down, the screen following his every move. Julian can tell Danny is in disbelief, as he is. We have been working so hard with him, and taking our time for him to trust us. This—it just makes everything they worked for that much more amazing._

_“Hi, buddy! What are you doing?” There is a watery smile on Danny’s face, and his voice cracks at the last second. Isaac smiles again and then holds up a block. They know that he understands what they are asking him, but he just took his time to figure things out. Danny and Julian understand finally, why Isaac really didn’t want to talk. Isaac wanted to make sure that they weren’t going to leave him, and that he could trust them._

_“I can’t believe he’s speaking. Even more so, he understands what we’re asking him. I have waited for this to happen, and I know that it wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t around Julian. I just—I can’t believe that our little boy is finally speaking! I can’t wait to get home so that I can hug and kiss all three of you.” Danny sniffles a little, before blowing a kiss goodbye and ending the call._

“Julian? Are you okay? Isaac’s doing the—you know what, let me take him.” Danny presses his lips against Julian's temple before rising and hoisting up Isaac onto his hip. Danny murmurs something into Isaac’s ear, which makes the latter giggle. Julian sometimes still think that this life that he has now, it is some dream that feels so real. He is afraid of waking up and realizing that everything that he has had for the last year and a half was just something that his mind made up and he has to wake up at some point from this dream.

            “So how does it feel to be a married man?” Rob ends up sitting down in the empty seat that was his, to begin with—due to him being part of the wedding party. _Married_. A word that Julian thought would never be associated with him—ever. Ever since the press conference, when the world found out about all of this, it became something of a wild ride. There were joys and then there were pains. Like the one time that Hannah got really sick—and they didn’t know what to do.

            _“Julian! Julian! I think we need to go to the hospital!” Danny is shaking his shoulder in a panic, and as he turns to look at Danny, Julian notices that he is holding Hannah, and a spit-up towel is covered in some green looking slime._

_“What happened?” Trying to wake himself up, he still feels the last grips of sleep in his eyes. His body catches up to his brain, and it’s then that Julian realizes that Hannah is not making much noise, in fact, her crying is very quiet._

_“She’s fevering and she just vomited all over me.” Alarms start going off in his brain, knowing that this normally never happens with a newborn—let alone one that is less than 3 months. Julian's feet hit the cold wood floor, and then it becomes a blur. One moment he is half asleep, and the next he is holding a sleeping Isaac, while Danny is running out of the front door, with Hannah in his arms. While Julian unlocks the door and places Isaac in his car seat, Danny is still holding Hannah in his arms. He is looking down at her and trying his best to comfort her._

_“I know sweetheart, I know. Daddy and Papa are going to get you help.” Julian hears Danny sob, and he can tell that this is hurting him. He wants to cry with him, but he just holds back, knowing that both of them crying will not help her. Closing the back door, he ends up next to Danny in the front. Taking a quick glance at Hannah, it dawns on him how bad this really is. She is pale, and her tiny hands and feet look like they are turning a shade of purple. She is crying, but it is so soft and so weak, and she has no tears. Reaching for Danny’s hand, he is trembling, and this is when it clicks— he would be the guy Julian wants to spend the rest of my life with. Speeding down the highway, he could care less if he is way over the speed limit. Luckily, since it is the middle of the night, the highway is very empty, making it a clear path for them to speed on._

_“Danny, we’re going to get through this. I know that this is killing you—it’s killing me too. I just—I just want her to be okay.” Letting tears go down his face, he doesn't even bother to wipe them. As the emergency doors make it into his line of vision, Julian hears the passenger’s side door open—Danny running out as the car slows down, with Hannah in his arms, and he can see tiny puffs of breath in the air from Danny breathing so hard. Parking the car in the closest spot,  he lets a sob break out of his vocal chords, and all of his fear washes over him like the undertow of the sea, slowly pulling him in deeper. There is a small whine coming from the back—Isaac is sitting back there, ready to cry because he doesn’t see Danny next to him._

_“Hey, it’s okay. Papa is here.” Making his way to the back seat, Julian unbuckles Isaac from his seat and then place Isaac on his hip as he closes the back door. He then makes his way to the passenger’s side door and shut that door too. His feet carry him quickly to the entrance of the ER, and the reality and gravity of the situation just multiply with the sterile smell of the place. He sees Danny in one of the exam rooms, the door is open a little, meaning that the nurse hasn’t quite arrived yet. Julian sneaks his way with Isaac into that room and taking his seat next to Danny, he can tell Danny has been having a hard time. He is still trying to calm down a nearly naked Hannah in his arms, and Julian can tell that whatever she has is even worse than what they thought it was. She has a rash all over her chest and stomach, and she is barely moving._

_“Hello, I’m Dr. Rose, we need you to come with us now.” The young doctor rushes us through into the emergency bay, the ward itself is very quiet. It seems that there aren’t that many people tonight. It happens so quickly though—one minute Danny is still holding Hannah and the next, she is being laid upon a gurney, and the doctors begin to work on her. Julian feels Danny press himself into Julian's side, his body shaking with sobs. It’s at that moment, that he realizes that he's sobbing with Danny too. They are escorted by nurses, leading them to the room in which Hannah is in. She is hooked up to an IV, a heart monitor, a breathing cannula taped to her cheeks with medical tape so she won’t pull on it._

_“Hey, sweet girl. I am so sorry that Papa and I can’t take the pain from you, but we promise you that it’s going to be okay.” Danny’s hand reaches down to caress the fine hairs on her head, her blue eyes looking up at him with pain, and even though she’s stopped crying, Julian can tell that she is still in so much pain. She grips Danny’s index finger, and that is when Julian's self-composure goes out the window. Having a complete emotional breakdown, his body feeling as if an anvil is pressing down on his chest. A hand ends up holding his, and his butt ends up on one of those plastic chairs in the room. Isaac is taken from him and looking over, he sees sit’s Danny who ends up holding him. Julian puts his face into Danny’s shoulder, hiding from the lights in the room—trying to hide from the reality that he is in._

_“So we ran some tests, and it seems that Hannah is going into septic shock. This happens sometimes when the body is fighting off infection. She looks like she was going through a UTI, and usually, with babies this young, the only symptom is a fever—but then she got the vomiting. It seems that it was also a sudden onset. Her tiny immune system must have been fighting this for days, and since it became too much for the system, it went into shock. Luckily, you caught it early enough that we can cure it.” The doctor is administering some sort of medication through the IV._

_“What I gave her is an antibiotic that will clear up the UTI, and that will regulate her immune system, thus reversing the septic shock symptoms. Unfortunately, she will have to stay for about a week in the NICU. We want to make sure that there is nothing else happening.” Julian's heart just beats faster at hearing ‘NICU’ and ‘week’. His poor baby is going to have to be in a strange place by herself._

            “Hello…earth to Julian.” Rob’s hand is waving right in front of his face, and it’s then that he realizes that Rob's been trying to get his attention for the last five minutes.

            “Sorry man, I was just thinking about all of the things that Danny and I went through to get to this point.” Feeling tears trying to make their great escape, he looks up, and at least that keeps them at bay for a couple of minutes more. There is a small giggle, followed by a loud shriek. Looking over to his right, Danny is sitting down with Hannah in one arm and Isaac in the other. He is smiling as Hannah begins to babble on and Isaac is just giggling. The accent Christmas lights they put in some of the plants of the venue illuminating him in a soft glow. A _Florence and The Machine_ song starts to play in the background. He looks up, Danny's eyes connecting with Julian's, and everything begins to slow down as he smiles at him. The genuine joy reaching his brown eyes—and for the first time, Julian's world is complete. He no longer feels like he is dragging along, just barely living, and faking his happiness so that no one would know his internal pain. _I’ve always wanted this—always, but never thought that I could have it..until they came along…_

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment, but don't be rude about it.


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